I feel no shame- ok- only minimal shame about the fact that I tend to function best with a bit of clutter around. But there is such thing as too much clutter, even for me. I am only kinda referring to the clutter on my desk at work of the multiple piles of things to do, things to file, or things that I have absolutely no idea what to do with. Or the clutter that accumulates at home- clean clothes piled in random places in the bedroom or couch, mail that needs to be sorted on any flat surface, half completed art projects or Newt’s school papers that I can’t part with but that have not yet made their way to the “forever box”.
I’m really talking about my cluttered mind.
I have never been particularly structured in my approach to anything. My days have never adhered to a specific time schedule or flow. I always assumed that when we had a kid our days would inherently get more structured, but when Newt was a baby, she did best with an on-demand feeding schedule, and she never slept anyway, so a sleep schedule seemed futile. Matt and I always said that we would get more structured when and if Newt needed it…but she never seemed to need it. She’s only had a bedtime since last month- when she started kindergarten, and even then- we kind of wing it. But as long as she is happy, healthy, and thriving- it works for us.
At least, it usually works for us. Right now I’m wondering how well it works for me.
Matt has always done shift work, so he works weird hours, and has non-regular days off. Plus, he has had more schedule changes than I can begin to count- especially in the last year or two. Every time we hear of another schedule change, we always reassure each other, “We’ll make it work.” And we always do.
Matt’s job has zero flexibility in when he can work, but I am extremely fortunate to have a job that I love that also gives me the flexibility to work around my husband and my daughter’s schedules. However, having a job that is flexible, means that I have to be flexible too. Sure- I can get off at 3 pm to get my kid from school, but that also means that I need to get some work done at night after every one has gone to sleep. That also means that my brain is full on functioning when I finish my work at midnight and should be going to bed. So….I write a blog post instead- maybe in an effort to get some of the clutter out of my head to allow me to sleep.
I decided a week or so ago that I was going to create a “Command Center”. You know- the ones that all of those really organized moms make and post on Pinterest. We have the perfect place in our kitchen- one that is actually made to be something like that. So, I’m psyched about this great idea and got started on Sunday. I perused some great ideas from other blogs and pins. I got rid of 3 garbage bags full of clutter (mostly bills from 2013 for some reason). And then I found myself staring at the lovely paper calendar I purchased for “Command Center” that is going to revolutionize my life. I’m staring at it with a fairly deep resentment.
This calendar is a great idea. One that was actually my husband’s. One that will allow him to be more aware of the upcoming events and bill due dates. This idea is to allow him to help me. THIS is one of the things I vowed to open myself to in my last post. But it just pissed me off. I’m sure there are so many things that this says about my psyche, but to me, it is just another thing that I will have to manage. I already keep everything in my google calendars on my phone. They are color coded, actually well organized, and I can get to them anywhere. So now I will have to get in the habit of transferring the information from my google calendar to my paper calendar in my half completed “Command Center”? Somehow, this does not seem likely.
I will keep you posted on the progress of my Command Center. Or not. Maybe I will magically turn into that really organized person with a clutter free home. Or not. Who knows.
One thing I do know- not matter how overwhelmed I feel or cluttered my mind is- I will make it work. I always do.